{HEAD DISCID= DVDTITLE= CODEPAGE=1250 FORMAT=ASCII LANG=EN TITLE=1 ORIGINAL=ORIGINAL AUTHOR= WEB= INFO= LICENSE= } {T 00:00:01:54 THE SPACEMEN FROM OUTER SPACE } {T 00:00:05:32 } {T 00:00:05:33 Earth. The year 2005. } {T 00:00:08:64 } {T 00:00:08:74 The machines have taken control. It began with the toasters. } {T 00:00:13:16 } {T 00:00:13:26 They became intelligent, and automatically switched off when the toast was done. } {T 00:00:18:72 } {T 00:00:18:76 For a time, people were happy with this. But the toasters became more and more intelligent. } {T 00:00:24:62 } {T 00:00:24:65 Soon, a toaster beat Kasparov at chess. And all-out war broke loose. } {T 00:00:33:50 } {T 00:00:33:54 Electric kettles and curling irons joined the Machine army. Mankind was defenseless. } {T 00:00:40:79 } {T 00:00:40:82 Mankind defended itself with oven gloves and dish towels. But the battle was lost. } {T 00:00:48:04 } {T 00:00:48:07 Only three brave men managed to escape armageddon. } {T 00:00:54:16 } {T 00:00:54:20 In the last days of the Earth, they constructed a rocket of ecological and biodegradable materials } {T 00:01:00:65 } {T 00:01:00:68 And launched into space. } {T 00:01:03:01 } {T 00:01:03:70 They have flown many thousands of miles, and have reached the far right edge of the Universe. } {T 00:01:10:91 } {T 00:01:13:49 - Captain Flemming! Planet ahoy! - Where? } {T 00:01:18:19 } {T 00:01:18:23 - There! - Good! Our stash of sweets is dangerously low... } {T 00:01:21:83 } {T 00:01:21:87 - We have lots of liquorice and chocolate, but... - The jelly baby alarm! We are out of jelly babies! } {T 00:01:29:21 } {T 00:01:29:24 - Maybe we can trade some with the inhabitants of this planet. - Which planet? } {T 00:01:32:59 } {T 00:01:32:62 - This planet! - Oh! } {T 00:01:34:96 } {T 00:01:35:00 - I'll call up their President! - Good thinking, Number One! } {T 00:01:39:13 } {T 00:01:43:48 - I am President Jorgen from the planet Pöetsch! - Greetings, President! We are from the planet Jutland. } {T 00:01:51:28 } {T 00:01:51:31 - Jutland? That's the planet AQUA comes from? - No! Not Jutland! Nope... } {T 00:02:03:12 } {T 00:02:03:16 - Good. Otherwise I had to destroy you and your ship. You could be carrying contamination. } {T 00:02:09:59 } {T 00:02:09:62 - But tell me, people of planet Jutland what can I do for you? } {T 00:02:12:94 } {T 00:02:12:98 - We want sweets, 1½ litre of Fanta, a bag of crisps and 1... 2... 3 rental movies. } {T 00:02:19:85 } {T 00:02:19:88 - And 4... 5... 6 burger menus. } {T 00:02:22:42 } {T 00:02:22:46 - With medium or large cola? - Medium! } {T 00:02:25:96 } {T 00:02:26:00 - Ketchup or pommes frites sauce? - Ketchup! } {T 00:02:30:79 } {T 00:02:30:82 - Take away or eat here? - We'll eat it here! } {T 00:02:35:58 } {T 00:02:35:61 - Then you must help me in return! - My daughter, Princess Jørgen Vestergård has been kidnapped } {T 00:02:41:79 } {T 00:02:41:83 - By the evil Count Villy. In ransom, he demands the Great Noogie } {T 00:02:47:14 } {T 00:02:47:17 - A massive fist we have built, which can destroy the Universe with a single blow! } {T 00:02:53:39 } {T 00:02:53:42 - Believe me, it hurts like hell. You must save her! } {T 00:02:58:84 } {T 00:02:59:26 - We'll save you daughter, President Jørgen... But what about a hot dog first? } {T 00:03:04:75 } {T 00:03:05:28 - No! No food until you bring me my daughter! - What... what about a raw sausage, then? } {T 00:03:12:35 } {T 00:03:12:35 - NO! GET GOING! - Damn... } {T 00:03:19:86 } {T 00:03:36:37 - We are under attack by enemy ships! - Call up their captain immediately! } {T 00:03:43:17 } {T 00:03:45:76 - Puny earthlings! You are no match for me! } {T 00:03:52:96 } {T 00:03:52:99 - I'll give you such a beating. And wedgies. } {T 00:03:59:88 } {T 00:04:11:89 - Oy! You're shooting at someone with glasses! - We're trying to get some sleep over here! } {T 00:04:20:06 } {T 00:04:20:09 - Let's run! } {T 00:04:22:39 } {T 00:04:29:37 - I think we got away from them. - Number Two fell out. } {T 00:04:34:15 } {T 00:04:34:19 - Who? - The guy who was right there. } {T 00:04:36:98 } {T 00:04:37:01 - What's the system status? - I'll check! } {T 00:04:39:77 } {T 00:04:41:00 - Both rear view mirrors are damaged... And the hand brake is broken... } {T 00:04:45:69 } {T 00:04:45:72 - The chain has jumped off... } {T 00:04:48:78 } {T 00:04:48:82 - Hold the technical jargon, Number One! What does it mean? } {T 00:04:52:45 } {T 00:04:52:49 - It means we have to see a spaceship mechanic as soon as possible } {T 00:04:55:13 } {T 00:04:55:17 - No! We have to save Princess Jørgen! } {T 00:04:58:58 } {T 00:04:58:62 - But how will we find her? - Look! One of Count Villy's ships. } {T 00:05:02:00 } {T 00:05:02:03 - It will lead us to the Princess. } {T 00:05:04:84 } {T 00:05:14:90 - Look! A hot dog stand! Stop! - No time! The spaceship is getting away. } {T 00:05:20:36 } {T 00:05:20:36 - But I must have an intergalactic frankfurter and a cyber chocolate drink. } {T 00:05:24:06 } {T 00:05:24:10 - Stop! Stop! - No! It is out of the question! } {T 00:05:28:10 } {T 00:05:44:11 - Very well, Number One! Continue the pursuit. - Sorry, I've lost the ship on our radar. } {T 00:05:49:98 } {T 00:05:50:02 - Try the telescope. - One moment... } {T 00:05:53:46 } {T 00:05:54:03 - Negative. Negative. - Damn. What should we do? } {T 00:05:58:01 } {T 00:05:58:01 - I have a great idea! - Good thinking, Number One. } {T 00:06:00:33 } {T 00:06:00:37 - I have here a very strong candle. Its light will reveal where Count Villy is hiding. } {T 00:06:06:49 } {T 00:06:19:42 - Look! Count Villy's ship! - But how can we get aboard? They never open the door. } {T 00:06:23:60 } {T 00:06:23:63 - I have a great idea! } {T 00:06:26:12 } {T 00:06:27:26 - Who is it? - Advertisements. Advertisements. } {T 00:06:31:52 } {T 00:06:31:56 - Come in then. } {T 00:06:34:22 } {T 00:06:34:22 - Good thinking, Number One. Full speed ahead! } {T 00:06:37:73 } {T 00:06:41:31 - So far so good. Now we just need to find Princess Jørgen Vestergaard and Count Villy. } {T 00:06:46:98 } {T 00:06:47:33 - But it's hopeless. This ship is enormous. } {T 00:06:51:41 } {T 00:06:51:89 - Wait. I have an idea! } {T 00:06:54:11 } {T 00:06:54:14 - Count Villy! Princess Jørgen Vestergaard! Dinner time! } {T 00:07:00:26 } {T 00:07:04:06 - Ha! Prepare to die. My light-spatula will slice you into 2... 3... 4 pieces! } {T 00:07:11:73 } {T 00:07:13:09 - Turn on, goddammit. - Eh, Flemming, the light-spatula is solar powered... } {T 00:07:17:70 } {T 00:07:17:73 - Mwa ha. Now YOU will die, earthling! But before you die, tell me who has sent you. } {T 00:07:24:44 } {T 00:07:24:47 - It was President Jørgen! It's his fault! - President Jørgen? } {T 00:07:29:89 } {T 00:07:29:89 - He told us you'd kidnapped Princess Jørgen Vestergaard so you could get the Great Noogie. } {T 00:07:36:30 } {T 00:07:36:30 - You've been played for chumps. } {T 00:07:39:47 } {T 00:07:39:47 - CHUMPS? } {T 00:07:41:08 } {T 00:07:41:11 - President Jørgen has created the Great Noogie so he can force the entire Universe to listen to AQUA. } {T 00:07:47:27 } {T 00:07:47:27 - AQUA? } {T 00:07:48:23 } {T 00:07:48:26 - He will turn the whole galaxy into a giant ferris wheel that'll play 'Barbie Girl' } {T 00:07:53:01 } {T 00:07:53:01 - 'BARBIE GIRL'! } {T 00:07:55:37 } {T 00:07:55:37 - And 'Doctor Jones'! - 'DOCTOR JONES'! } {T 00:07:58:77 } {T 00:08:04:15 - But... but tell us, how can we defeat President Jørgen? - President Jørgen is invincible! } {T 00:08:10:84 } {T 00:08:10:87 - He has the Moustache of Power! } {T 00:08:14:20 } {T 00:08:14:20 - MOUSTACHE? } {T 00:08:16:45 } {T 00:08:19:68 At the dawn of Time, the dwarves forged seven moustaches. } {T 00:08:23:88 } {T 00:08:23:88 Six moustaches were so ugly they were immediately thrown out. But the seventh survived. } {T 00:08:29:94 } {T 00:08:29:94 It was decided that he who wears this moustache will be immortal... } {T 00:08:35:28 } {T 00:08:35:28 And play Old-boys football in a pub league. } {T 00:08:39:06 } {T 00:08:39:09 And look like crap. } {T 00:08:40:72 } {T 00:08:40:72 - Exactly! This makes him immortal. But wait, I've got an... } {T 00:08:46:48 } {T 00:08:46:48 - Two! Three! - No, ONE idea } {T 00:08:51:78 } {T 00:08:51:71 - What? } {T 00:08:53:84 } {T 00:08:54:54 - If you somehow got close enough to steal the Moustache of Power off him... } {T 00:09:01:84 } {T 00:09:01:84 - But how will we get close enough to get the Moustache from him? } {T 00:09:04:98 } {T 00:09:05:97 - There is but one... } {T 00:09:08:71 } {T 00:09:08:71 - Two! Three! - One possibility. } {T 00:09:14:27 } {T 00:09:18:97 - Ah! I love the Hampton Court Flower Park. Behold! Rhododendron! A fern! } {T 00:09:24:77 } {T 00:09:24:77 - Truly, here I will pee. But first... Out with my gigantic phallos. } {T 00:09:29:68 } {T 00:09:31:76 - Hold that phallos right there! You are doomed! } {T 00:09:34:13 } {T 00:09:34:13 - Your plan of playing AQUA nonstop has been foiled! Prepare for the final wedgie! } {T 00:09:40:61 } {T 00:09:40:61 - AQUA? Wait, listen... Count Villy has made fools out of you! } {T 00:09:43:75 } {T 00:09:43:75 - Chumps? - No! Fools! } {T 00:09:45:74 } {T 00:09:45:74 - He wants to turn the whole Universe into... - Yes! Yes! A giant ferris wheel that plays 'Barbie Girl'! } {T 00:09:49:71 } {T 00:09:49:71 - Exactly! You must help me defeat him! } {T 00:09:52:02 } {T 00:09:52:02 - No! I've had enough! AQUA aren't even all that bad. } {T 00:09:55:48 } {T 00:09:55:48 - Prepare for the final battle! } {T 00:09:58:48 } {T 00:09:58:49 - Very well, earthling. But first you must defeat the Boss Monster... } {T 00:10:03:85 } {T 00:10:05:85 - So be it! You win this time. But I will return in the sequel for my revenge. } {T 00:10:09:62 } {T 00:10:09:62 - Where I'll get beaten up again. } {T 00:10:12:15 } {T 00:10:14:76 - Thank you! Our epic drama reaches its conclusion. } {T 00:10:20:17 } {T 00:10:20:17 - Everybody lost, and AQUA won. } {T 00:10:23:35 } {T 00:10:23:35 - That's the way it always goes. - Yep. } {T 00:10:25:21 } {T 00:10:25:21 - For my part... I will turn the whole world into a gigantic ferris wheel! } {T 00:10:29:96 } {T 00:10:32:14 - I advise you to end the movie here, before it gets too expensive. } {T 00:10:36:46 } {T 00:10:36:50 - Yes, so it must be. Do you know the way to the nearest Seven Eleven? } {T 00:10:40:91 } {T 00:10:40:91 - We need nachos and 3... 2... 1 litres of cola. } {T 00:10:44:01 } {T 00:10:44:04 - Yes. Straight up, first right turn and then straight ahead a couple of light years... } {T 00:10:49:41 } {T 00:10:49:41 - Goodbye! - Goodbye! } {T 00:10:53: